I am out of bed early to be with Dawn. It is here that I find belonging. Sensing Autumn’s cool hand looking for me outside I choose to stay within looking out, I am still adjusting to the blunt arrival of the new season. I peel the wooden shutters from the nights work of Spiders, the fleshy sound of their webs tearing, eliciting my morning apology. Maceo, our cat, has not yet taken up his latest perch with the flattened Nasturtiums in the window box. I choose tealights to mark the sacredness of this time, the tapered candles glare in this low light and feel too much of an intrusion. I want to tread lightly. I open the window.
And I lean, I lean into a stillness harder to access in Day. I lean back, the smallest of moves probably imperceptible to eyes, yet enough for me to sense my spine, find my back body and with it will breathe a calmer nervous system. I am not moving forward to the next thing as Day so often demands, I am presence, and able to notice so much more beyond my skin and what lies in flesh and bone. There is no sense of separation between me and all that my senses are receiving. I am witness. The ‘I’ dissolves and peace happily seeps in its place. How rare a moment in the Western society in which I live, of hyper individualism and me me me. This is my morning’s radical act, not to do, produce nor have an outcome, but be. As I write the voice of Tiokaskin Ghostface (Cheyenne River Lakota Nation of South Dakota) revisits, that in the language of Akantu (Lakota language) there is no need for “to be” as Lakota life is always lived in the moment, in the now as Be-ings rather than Human Do-ings. Sitting with Dawn is one of my ways to invite other ways of living back home.
Perhaps I am drawn to the Twilight of morning as its very nature is in-between, everything in this realm shrugs off definition, things are more porous here. The colour my eyes receive is not black, not quite grey nor blue, it is all of them stirred together, different hues endlessly seeping one into another as the Sun lifts so that the arrival of definable Daylight appears sudden. I understand that everything is always in transition, in becoming, as one thing tips into the other but in the stillness of Twilight this is easier to perceive.
My senses are softly alert, they feel somehow bigger, making the Elements easier to access even though I am sat inside. I am most aware of Aether, a fifth Element held by medieval alchemists, Greeks, Buddhists, Hindus, the Japanese and the Tibetan Bon. Aether sits at the centre of the elements of Air, Fire, Water and Earth as the unifying Element connecting all. It is the lightest of the Elements, it is space and sound, and we embody it as the sense of hearing. As night folds to day, I can physically feel the Aether as an infinite energy within which I am being held, a soft cushion of least resistance which I sink into. The Aether feels spacious and fluid, calm and potent at the same time resonating with possibilities. This is the space for anew and for original thoughts to pop like a Roy Lichenstein exploding text bubble, I try to take heed. The first trains pound not 50 metres from where I write, but even they can not break this spell.
My ears tingle with a new found size, surely they must look swollen? I am not straining or searching to find sounds, rather they are being gathered for me from a larger map granting me access to another layer below the surface that my eyes would find. I adore this moment when all human made noises are dialled down and the more-than-human world is revealed. The sounds my ears find might not be identifiable but I don't need to know nor catalogue. My skin has met the touch of Air and I am sensing a distinct edge between us as I attempt to hold onto my remaining duvet warmth. If I was outside my skin would be also sensing deeper into Wind, Rain, humidity and whatever else it connected with, seen and unseen. The blue-ish-y light is already thinning as I spent a little too long debating whether to leave the warmth of my sleeping Love. Outside is emerging grayscale and my eyes welcome its salve. The sun is now visibly rising and my Fire Element and eyes awaken more to behold the light.
I encourage everyone to taste this time before the rush of our days, yes it means leaving the bed early but hear me out! When my kids were much younger and I lived without a partner I claimed the hour before they woke and cherished it dearly. My days were utterly transformed by that hour, it became my anchor, offering me solace as the only time that was truly mine in some long days. I would sit with an open door or window, the fire in winter, coffee and a full-bellied Maceo, I would sit amongst it and with it all and absorb. What challenges arose in my day were aways better met with that time still held within me. My kids are now teens and times are different, but the Twilight of Morning still has much to gift.
The lead photo witnessed another glorious Dawn, 2 June 2021 04.55
The Inspirations
One to Take To Heart
I really admire Charles Eisenstein, I think he is one of the most visionary, courageous and articulate voices of our time. A much needed voice of sanity and this interview with André Duqum is such a powerful conversation. In it Charles “shares his vision for a more beautiful world that our hearts know is possible. He explains why all the crises we experience today, are rooted in the single origin of separation, and how by healing this wound within ourselves, we can heal the world.
Charles dives deep on the importance of energetic intention within any revolution for change, the limitations of labeling things as 'good' and 'bad', and how to alchemize anger into a collective awakening.
In this era of change, everyone plays a role. And each person's role is just as valuable, no matter how big or small it may seem. Charles shares the vision of a harmonious collective consciousness, and how you alone can contribute to it.”
Apple Visions For A More Beautiful World: A Wake Up Call - w/ Charles Eisenstein | Know Thyself EP 60
One to Move With
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Michael Brook draw you into another world in which to dream.
One to Do Do Do
Go book hunting! This is how to really write about Twilight. I read Jay Griffiths’ writing and I ache with good healthy envy - you know that feeling don’t you? I would like to eat her words into my bones and then wave a magic wand. And I’m very glad I only remembered Twilight was on my shelf after writing this newsletter. This thing of beauty was published in 2018 by Hedgespoken Press, now sadly no longer printing. If you can find one of these treasures, buy it! ISBN 978-1-9993065-0-2
“It is twilight and at the waking edge of night, a crescent otter breaks the surface of the water, looping up from its dive, in its mouth a crescent fish shines silver, a little late moon.”